Forget the Dirty Floors, For Now

Yesterday was Lillian’s first softball game. It was an away game and Sheena and I drove to South high school and found our place in the bleachers. It was hot under the August sun and I thought of all the things I could be accomplishing at home. I had to mop the floor, fix dinner, etc. At the risk of sounding like my mom, “I’m not the kind to sit around.”

But as the game progressed, I noticed something. These girls were having fun.  They were celebrating each other’s successes, and encouraging one another through their challenges. I know, I know. That’s what teams do. But seeing this level of sincerity from high school girls was eye-opening for me. So I relaxed and watched, and more importantly, learned from these girls. My dirty floors will still be there when I get home.

This morning I did my usual daily chores plus the extra I threw in for fun (yeah, right). Of course this included mopping the muddy floors. I started bitching to myself about having to do it when Spider walked her little kitten ass across my clean floor and stopped to meow at me. I followed her into the living room to see what she wanted. She had a little plastic spring toy that she was playing with. She smacked it around and it rolled under the entertainment center. A little distressed she tried to get it out but her arms weren’t long enough to reach. So she rubbed on my legs to ask for help. I grabbed something long to fish it out and also fished out two others that were trapped under there.

Of course I was obligated to play with her, I couldn’t leave her hanging all alone with her toys. I remembered the girls’ game last night and it helped me let go a little. We played and Spider purred a song of contentment.  When she was done and tired and slightly bored, she walked away with a little indignation and I finished mopping my floors.

I’m grateful for simple lessons, no matter how small we think they may be. If we’re too busy to pay attention, we cease to be human beings and become human doings. And I don’t want to miss out on the simple things, like play time.

Getting to Know Me

I just had a birthday last week and apparently at my age I’m still discovering who I am.  I’m not generally a people person and I always thought of myself as misanthropic, but it turns out that’s not really true. Maybe that isn’t news to some, but it shocked the hell out of me.

One of the things I liked about our daily walks at the dog park was that we didn’t see many people that early in the morning. The place had an air of solitude to it. And in cold weather, it could be anyone under all that clothing so there wasn’t a need for conversation. But as it got warmer and we could see who we were talking to, conversations inevitably happened. Now that’s a big part of my motivation to get up and make it there. When you see people every day, you start to get to know them, and in my case you start to like them. Some of them have even been to our house.

Another new thing I learned about myself is that I’m a person of faith.  I am deeply connected to nature and the universe around me. I suspect that I have experienced spirituality in a very different way from most. My beliefs don’t line up with organized religion but I don’t push it on others. What is true for me is probably not the truth for someone else.  And THAT is fine.

On my path of being a perpetual student of life, I’ve also learned to love and accept my shadow side; those parts of me that are human and perfectly flawed. Someone once held a mirror up to me and showed me that I am very hard on myself, even extremely so. One of the most difficult things I’m still learning to do is not sit in judgement of myself or others. I say still learning, because that’s one of those things few people master, and I know I have lots to learn.

Yet, I am grateful for each day that I’m given and eager for every lesson I continue to learn, even the hard ones. May they be instrumental in chipping away my ego, and smoothing out the rough edges leaving me a polished and better person.